.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
