Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
