Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
