Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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