if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
