my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize