I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
