Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
