There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My liver is preforming stress tests.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
