My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
