Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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