Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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