I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
