Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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