i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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