dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
