I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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