apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
