Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
