I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
