so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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