We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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