she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well I just put wine in my tea
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I supernannyed him into submission
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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