i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What drink are we having for lunch?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
