Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
NoShamevember. You game?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
