A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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