Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
