I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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