he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
