At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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