Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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