And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
