Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
