shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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