best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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