I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
