the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
