i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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