I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
