My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
