k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
