I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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