Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
