then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Randomize
