It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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