Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
