wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
