Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
