I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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