You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he fucked my hip out of place.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
