I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
