Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
