she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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