We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
