Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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