Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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