so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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