i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
