i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
