i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
