I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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