so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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