look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
