Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
