we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize