Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
