Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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