Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
