Moan for me like Helen Keller
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The struggles of a small town man whore
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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