Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
