Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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