Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's blow job season.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize