Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
