I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
