Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
