i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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