singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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