Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
