if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Found the puke drawer
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
