They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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