Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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