will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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