4 words: hood of his car
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
