Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
