If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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