If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
