so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
