I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
