i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
