I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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