I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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