Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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