i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
