when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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