I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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