Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
