Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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