Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize