thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
