I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
