every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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