i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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