Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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