I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
