is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Randomize
