Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
