Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
